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How to stop a drunk woman
 We've all been there; Your with your wife, girlfriend, or female friend. They've had a few, there getting to become a handful. They're beginning to go beyond respectable drunk and going further, the worst there is; yes I'm talking about when a woman gets "man drunk". I once heard a man with a lot of sense say: "A drunk man looks foolish, but a drunk woman looks insane"There are sure-fire words, actions or phrases that will NOT stop your female company from drinking. Here are a few that will ensure 100% disaster, fallout, argument and quite possibly a full scale barfight, and woman being dragged into the street showing a bit of her tights or pants with her hair half stuck to her face with vomit.
WHAT NOT TO SAY OR DO
"I think this ones had enough"
"I'm tired, <YAWN> we should head home"
"Now look here little lady I think you've had one too many"
"NO ! I don't want to dance with you on the bar"
"Didn't you say you had to get up early tomorrow?"
"I thought you said you were only having a few?"
"NO I wont get you another drink"
"Come on, that's enough"
"We're going home right now"
"Yes I love you too, do you have to ask me 500 times?"
"You promised you wouldn't do this again"
Use the word "NO"
Using any of the above phrases can ensure BEDLAM will begin and a massive shouting match with slurred boozy screams like so:
"I don't phucken even caaayre"
"Stop tellin meee wot to do, its my life an aahrrl live the waaay I want to"
"Ghaaad your SO fhacken BAWRIN"
"I kan have another drink if ah whant, phuck yoo"
By this time you will have established your in an emergency situation and unless steps are taken you could be on very loose footing with symptoms such as :
- A drunk crying woman.
- A drunk vomiting woman.
- A drunk stripping woman.
- A drunk fighting woman.
- A drunk half stripped crying woman, swinging punches at you with vomit in her hair.
Avoiding this situation is very simple, it causes a lot of stress in our lives, but the answer is simple.
WHAT TO DO OR SAY
Fuck all, just let her get on with it.
It may be difficult, but agree to everything, add more alcohol and do NOT say anything that might be the opposite of what she's thinking i.e. concentration, logical thought, common sense,etc
Next day when she's really rough don't chastise her at all, treat her like a princess;breakfast in bed, hold her hair up when she's being sick, pat her head with a cooled softened towel,etc
When the worst has subsided, introduce the concept of guilt. Say how upset your "feelings" were, how embarrassing it was, how people will never forget such behaviour and deliver it home with sincerity and a kind of pursed lip "who's been a naughty puppy then?" stern smile, cock the head slightly and raise the eyebrows.
Next time your woman gets "man drunk" just use that facial expression and hopefully she will remember.
It may not work the 1st time but persist and for gods sake if she insists on "anaaathar waane" just buy it for her and follow these useful steps.
If your driving dont drink and if your drinking dont drive, Good Night and God Bless.
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Posted by sasqwach
at July 12, 2009 9:07 PM | Permalink
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