Sasqwach

T Shirt Designs

2010-02-23T02:05:47Z

Recently saw Duncan Jones' film Moon and thought the Logo for Lunar Industries and Sarang Moon base was too sweet to be restricted to just the movie so designed up a similar logo and sent of for printing. 3000 yen and a damned good print too. On the right is a Fiesar logo from the famed wipeout series. Why there are no t-shirts of wipeout racing logos I do not understand. Think I might have to make all 12 racing teams !

Why it sucks to live at the beginning of a century

2009-12-31T02:59:50Z

I remember in my early youth the excitement I felt at the close of the 20th Century; home PC's were inundating the market, everyone I knew had a "modem" and 56K connection to the internet, there were the first real chic mobile phones, games consoles and applications were getting easier and easier to use; The borders for creativity,entertainment & communication via digital means seemed without border.

It seemed weekly a new technology was emerging to make the future brighter.

Cue 2010 and I don't see any of the hover cars I was promised in the 70's as a kid, there's no food pills, nor am I vacationing on the moon. Then I realised looking back on history (because damned if we forget it, tho we seem destined on repeating it), living in the beginning of a new century sucks because....

]]> Cue the 1800's
Im sure when Karl von Drais invented the bicycle in 1817 he drew gasps of amazement and surely people would have thought "What a miraculous wonder ! This Laufmaschine bicycle will be the means of transport for centuries to come ! Why one day we shall all have giant multi commuter bicycles that will link cities in trade and commerce !"

Cue the 1900's
When Alexander Greame Bell managed to undulate electrical currents into sound and announce this wondrous invention, many were suspicious but soon it was said
"Why this "tele-phone" is a modern marvel ! Nay I predict in 50 years every village will have one !"

Cue the 2000's
"Like Everyone will have like handheld devices, that like connect to the innerned and like you can read rilly,rilly good stuff like any time and play games n stuff and like tweet while reading an article and then watch a movie n stuff like all on one device"

Cue the 2100's and some archaeologist unearths this entry on a old dusty server in some ruins and says "Mien HOLY Ayadashada !!! They actually used their hands !!! "

Every beginning of a century seems to unviel the newer ideas but seems to take us a good 50 years to perfect them. Today's cutting edge is tomorrow's antiquated carbuncle and that's why it sucks to live at the beginning of a century.

Laptop Lounge

2009-10-08T08:29:42Z

Performed a live music set in Edinburgh from Tokyo via the interweb yesterday. Laptop Lounge is a regular event in Edinburgh encouraging laptop and bedroom producers to meet up and perform and exchange ideas, dance and check each others sounds.

Initially had thought of using Hobnox for the performance though seemed pretty limited for live streaming, so we opted for skype instead.

Had the video up and running audio was syncing nicely....Waved to the crowd and a huge cheer and buzz went around the club (or so I was told) Was the legendary Kovac about to make a rare appearance after his 6 years of semi retirement There were rumours he had been experimenting with a midi clarinet!?

Well, I had as ever prepared the music just for the performance, no rehashes or mixes, all new material as is my rule for live sets, unfortunately 15 minutes into the set...skype failed us and so did the laptop streaming my performance...ah c'est la vie maybe a little longer till the 90's revival. =)

Click here for a recording of the "intended" set.

Tokyo Game Show 2009

2009-09-27T08:03:34Z

Tokyo Game Show passed this weekend, as is tradition I had to attend, though beginning to find the shows lacklustre each year. This may be as I am maturing into an old oyaji and no longer as interested in games as much as I was in my youth, but...No,I still go ape for games.

This year as with others seemed to be showcasing very little that was "new" or those games that were "new" had already been announced at E3; which seems to now be the platform for announcing "exclusives" in the gaming world. Exclusively for industry insiders only, while we the unwashed general public wait for leaked video exclusives from guest listed journalists, shouldnt the game world be giving us a little bit of a surprise at these events ?

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Main hall had its usual queue for x minutes to have x minutes of game play tryouts; Microsoft have undoubtedly got this right at TGS, you can roam around the Xbox area, get a look at other people playing and have a quick go of a game with minimum wait time (15 mins avg) tho the Sony PS3 stand was elevated above all other stands with a ticketing and wait system, not even allowing you to walk around and view the games.Smelt a little bit of that aforementioned "exclusivity" snobbery, though as ever the PSP area was excellent allowing quick wait times and open viewing.

Surprisingly very little Nintendo showcasing, has it rooted itself so firmly as the family console it doesn't need to rely on ardent gamers ?

共同謀議 - conspiracy

2009-09-09T07:24:33Z

I was walking in Harajuku with a friend the other day when an old bearded gaijin guy came up to me and said "BEWARE the INTERNET it will BETRAY YOU", certainly got my attention more than the usual Goth Lolitas and Rockabillies and handed me this flyer....THE END IS NIGH ! 666 NEW WORLD ORDER ARMAGEDDON !

Turns out he was a missionary for The Family a fundamentalist cult from way back in the 60's still active today. The flyers artwork (very nostalgic British comic style) and contents were what you would expect from a bearded old guy in a park saying "The internet will betray you"....pretty far out there....

Though I must confess I like the occasional NWO nutter and Armageddonists conspiracy spreader or general "Kooks" as described by Donna Kossy.

Just because the ideas seem insane,extreme, out there or just crackpot, the very fact they exist means there must be some minute, sliver of tiny Truth to it; albeit a barking mad one, still "ideas" all the same....

BUT

Sasqwach neither condones nor advocates walking up to strangers and saying "Beware the internet it will betray you"...

Apple announces "ZeitgeistTimer"™

2009-09-08T05:26:20Z

Both Industry insiders and consumers are abuzz with Apple's latest technology offering; the ZeitgeistTimer™.

Leaked only today by former Apple R&D employee Emmanuel Goldstein, its sheds light on Apples previous innovations and reveals the future of the iPhone for millions of eager Apple fans the world over.

Goldstein in an exclusive interview told us more about the Zeitgeist timer's™ functionality and features.

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Goldstein:"At the moment a lot of people in Japan are not buying Iphones, basically because Japan was an industry leader for years in mobile phone development; they had 3G, full email support, oneseg television, camera's with over 5 mega pixels,etc. The Japanese market was massively confident any western manufacturer could not compete with them, until the iPhone that is..."

Sasqwach: "Yes we've noticed there seems to be a reluctance to move over to the iPhone in Tokyo can you tell us why that is ?"

Goldstein:"Well upon release of initial sales figures from Japan we were shocked at how badly the iPhone had went down over here, our Tokyo offices investigated what the word on the street was and it was uninmous the Japanese and its mobile phone industry was officially in "kanshyaku"

Sasqwach: "kanshaku ?"

Goldstein:"Basically a tantrum; the fact that Apple moved into the market with their 1st model of mobile phone that could do more than Japanese phones was a slap to the face to many. We noted the success of ZeitgeistTimer™ with the ipod shuffle in Japan so we decided to go public and utilise the technology with iPhone and the upand coming next iPhone 3gs2."

Sasqwach: The 3gs2 !? and ZeitgeistTimer™ Please tell us more !"

Goldstein:"Well it breaks down like this; at the moment we have a large share of the market sector that will not buy an iPhone and stick with their current mobile phone, this accounts for almost 80% of the marketplace, we call this bracket the "cautionary consumer". We made a large number of sales within this market upon release of the 3gs in Japan which included ZeitgeistTimer™."

Sasqwach:"I understand, I personally was reluctant to buy the iPhone until 16GB model was available and held out, so how does it work then ?"

Goldstein:"Well, basically as you now know we have the ipod "classic" and the iTouch and the iPhone. The iPod classic has ended its product lifecycle and will not include ZeitgeistTimer™; As a product it has become standardised, any product improvements to the iPod "classic" would be superfluous for a "standard" user, this is the beauty of ZeitgeistTimer™."

Sasqwach:"So...the other Apple products will go the same way ?"

Goldstein:"Exactly ! At the moment a lot of the owners of the first released model of the iPhone are feeling the benefits of ZeitgeistTimer™ with the announcement of the 3gs !

Sasqwach: "what kind of benefits ?"

Goldstein:"Well all those who bought the first released model were achingly hip, their coolness was undeniable, but now someone else can get a better model than the current one they have. The ZeitgeistTimer™ switches on and the performance of the device immediately pales in comparison to the newer models features leaving the owner rather embarrassed at dinner parties or social gatherings when they come across a social equivalent of themselves who has the newer model."

Goldstein:"It's simple really, with ZeitgeistTimer™ we release carefully designed and thought out products that appeal to both the general public and technically anal with a large memory space left in the device to include the ZeitgeistTimer™, its only with device updates that the ZeitgeistTimer™ memory usage get smaller and smaller until the product is standardised and bought by your "Average Joe" and having the product has entered the "mainstream" so much so it's monopolised competitors out of the market and no longer has no "instant cool" in owning the product for the consumer."

Sasqwach: "Doesn't this leave consumers who want full product benefits constantly having to upgrade at their own personal expense and Apples profit ?"

Goldstein:"Exactly, that's how we work at Apple, thanks to the ZeitgeistTimer™ our customers are perpetually on a thin cusp between "ultra cool" and "out of date", I mean remember the first iMac, you would only see one of them in a junk store or your grandma's house, but at the time having one made you instalty cool, creative and sexually appealing to both sexes."

Sasqwach: "Sounds like a hustle if you ask me."

Goldstein:"Yes it is, ZeitgeistTimer™ ensures your never fully satisfied with your device until the moment its has become standardised and then will be sold with the marker "does not include ZeitgeistTimer™ Coolness sold separately." at that point buying the device itself is pointless as Apple will have a new product in development primed for launch to an audience of millions of fans, who continue to pay over the odds for new versions of their existing product until having the product is considered passe."

Goldstein:"For example the iPhone today when the day comes it becomes standardised or "properly finished" as we like to say in the lab, the beta of iSabre will be released."

Sasqwach: "iSabre !?!?"

Goldstein:"Ahh I've given away too much, we'll have to finish this interview here today."

Sasqwach: "Thanks.....I think....!?"

Are you a moron ? Did you believe this ? If so, We at Sasqwach think we can help you....This entry is 100% fiction and 100% Satire and believing such nonsense would make you feeble minded and near retardation, furthermore if you work for Apple and youre angry I'm making fun of you or besmirching your name http://www.fakesteve.net/ C'mon you would've sued him if he wasnt so hip with the kids, so don't sue me neither. Kisses.

Ez-Jungler

2009-07-25T05:04:18Z

I've been listening to a lot of Drum n Bass this week, late 90's Bukem,E-z Rollers type stuff so had a little go doing my own breaks in Reason.

I still adhere to the "no one loop" or "no loop longer than 2 seconds" rule for my music, even though its very tempting with Reasons Rex tool and Recycle to just take a break and re arrange a little and et viola a "song".

Therefore according to my imposed "rules" here's 4 breaks, totally spliced and rearranged, a pitch bend in places with an TR808 congo and hihat percussion over the top.

Of course it has "Chords" also; 10 secs taster. Click here to play

How to stop a drunk woman

2009-07-12T11:07:19Z

We've all been there; Your with your wife, girlfriend, or female friend. They've had a few, there getting to become a handful.

They're beginning to go beyond respectable drunk and going further, the worst there is; yes I'm talking about when a woman gets

"man drunk".

I once heard a man with a lot of sense say:

"A drunk man looks foolish, but a drunk woman looks insane"

There are sure-fire words, actions or phrases that will NOT stop your female company from drinking.

Here are a few that will ensure 100% disaster, fallout, argument and quite possibly a full scale barfight, and woman being dragged into the street showing a bit of her tights or pants with her hair half stuck to her face with vomit.

]]> ...

WHAT NOT TO SAY OR DO

"I think this ones had enough"

"I'm tired, we should head home"

"Now look here little lady I think you've had one too many"

"NO ! I don't want to dance with you on the bar"

"Didn't you say you had to get up early tomorrow?"

"I thought you said you were only having a few?"

"NO I wont get you another drink"

"Come on, that's enough"

"We're going home right now"

"Yes I love you too, do you have to ask me 500 times?"

"You promised you wouldn't do this again"

Use the word "NO"

Using any of the above phrases can ensure BEDLAM will begin and a massive shouting match with slurred boozy screams like so:

"I don't phucken even caaayre"

"Stop tellin meee wot to do, its my life an aahrrl live the waaay I want to"

"Ghaaad your SO fhacken BAWRIN"

"I kan have another drink if ah whant, phuck yoo"

By this time you will have established your in an emergency situation and unless steps are taken you could be on very loose footing with symptoms such as :

A drunk crying woman.
A drunk vomiting woman.
A drunk stripping woman.
A drunk fighting woman.
A drunk half stripped crying woman, swinging punches at you with vomit in her hair.

Avoiding this situation is very simple, it causes a lot of stress in our lives, but the answer is simple.

WHAT TO DO OR SAY

Fuck all, just let her get on with it.

It may be difficult, but agree to everything, add more alcohol and do NOT say anything that might be the opposite of what she's thinking i.e. concentration, logical thought, common sense,etc

Next day when she's really rough don't chastise her at all, treat her like a princess;breakfast in bed, hold her hair up when she's being sick, pat her head with a cooled softened towel,etc

When the worst has subsided, introduce the concept of guilt. Say how upset your "feelings" were, how embarrassing it was, how people will never forget such behaviour and deliver it home with sincerity and a kind of pursed lip "who's been a naughty puppy then?" stern smile, cock the head slightly and raise the eyebrows.

Next time your woman gets "man drunk" just use that facial expression and hopefully she will remember.

It may not work the 1st time but persist and for gods sake if she insists on "anaaathar waane" just buy it for her and follow these useful steps.

If your driving dont drink and if your drinking dont drive, Good Night and God Bless.

Sender: Mr "Please do not bend"

2009-06-28T05:27:13Z

Now, don't get me wrong, the Japanese Postal service is the most courteous and efficient in the world. They deliver letters to your house at 3 intervals through the day, so effectively you get 3 possible times for delivery in a day.

If you happen to be out at any of these times they will leave a note to say they tried to deliver something, which if you phone within that day up until 7pm they will send a guy out to deliver it to your house whenever you specify (within reason).

This one had to make me laugh a bit though. The sender is marked as "Please do not bend"様 then struck out and an arrow pointing to 外国 - FOREIGN!

Even though it was actually from within Japan, the poor postman, credit to him, gave a go at reading who it was from, carefully wrote it down then probably thought, "That's an odd name... ahhh SHITE ! Acchh its from someone foreign!"

Made me a chuckle a bit, what if there was a "Mr Please Do not Bend",a kind of very brittle, stiff upright character; unmovable neck, rotating his whole body through life.

Everyday situations being extremely fragile.

"Hey ken I'd like you to meet someone this is Mr Please Do Not Bend, he's from FOREIGN"

"Ah Hi there! Nice to meet you" motions to shake hands.

"DON'T TOUCH HIM HE'LL BREAK !" introducer screams and pulls away hand

"Sorry I should have guessed, My apologies"

360 Fan Reflow & X-Clamp fix

2009-05-30T09:33:18Z

As soon as summer hits my Xbox 360 goes and overheats and I get the 3 Red Rings of Death (RROD) AGAIN !

This is about the 15th time I've had to open up my 360 since I got it in 2005.

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(Unbelievably wrap the console in a towel with the Hard disk removed for 20-30 mins powered on then leave to cool for 40 mins, it's not recommended but it works)

With the new fan in place it did work fine for about a year but in 2007, again Summer time with temperatures of 34 degrees and up, it would RROD.

Again Summer 2008, same problem.

My 2nd console motherboard is of the Zephyr type; this is the last time opening this console; I've fitted air flow improving heat sinks on most of the chips and only towelled it once, I've X-clamped it, and modified the X-clamp numerous times,different bolts, different washers, the penny trick, different number of washers,etc.

RROD's just always seem to come as the weather gets hot regardless of location in my living room.

My experience tells me if you have a Zephyr or earlier model and your gonna x-clamp it it is a temporary fix. I've followed numerous tutorials, read multiple posts online but still had to open the 360 as soon as weather gets above 30 degrees, re-clean the CPU, GPU, overheat, cool, reflow circuits with heatgun, etc I've come to the conclusion these earlier models are just plain "flawed" no matter how many times you fix it, its gonna get the same problem.

In hindsight I wouldn't have opened the box voiding the warranty and got myself a upgrade again from M$. At the moment I can play for an hour before an E74 Graphic error, this is probably due to me monkeying the box so many times and the GPU has been damaged. The solution, looks like I will have to buy a new box, though this time not hack it and play by the rules.

If your in Japan and need X-clamp parts I recommend http://www.ainexstore.jp/ they carry arctic silver and fan replacements and good heatsinks. Though at the end of the day, I think only a Jasper or better thought out model will be the only real 100% reliable solution.

It's a pity as the 360 has a lot of potential but even as a hardcore enthusiast I'm begin to grudge replacing machines via warranty or self repairing repeatedly.

Desert Island Disks

2009-05-15T13:04:38Z

In keeping with the current trend of "25 things about me", "25 favourite albums",etc that seem to be about on Facebook these days I was just thinking what would my "desert island disks" be ?

Desert_Island_Disks
(For those that don't know, an interesting radio show where guests picked they're favorite 8 pieces of music they would choose if stranded on a desert island.)

Originally, only 8 songs, but lets bend the rules a bit; In no order of preference here are my top 25 Desert Island Disks and why....

]]> Blue Monday - New Order
I don't think anybody doesn't like this song. I first heard it after my sister had bought it and was frequently played in the house as a kid, then as a teenager listened to and analyzed the actual midi file on my Amiga, then all through adulthood frequent listens and it never gets boring.

Love Reign O'er Me - The Who
As a kid I used to want to be a "mod" even though I was born 15 years too late and loved the film Quadrophenia this track from the closing sequence is The Who at their best.

Mahogany Hall Stomp - Louis Armstrong
Aside from Techno and House my other love is Big Band Jazz, in fact to me there all the same thing; about dancing and getting dizzy. This is one of my favourites, Louis Armstrong was one of the most likable and showmanship-esque players in Jazz, its hard not too feel his enthusiasm in his music.

Otaku - The Black Dog
I love this band - The Black Dog, a mysterious trio who produced several excellent, very intelligent and thought provoking "intelligent techno" in the 1990s. To me this is one of their best amongst a huge catalogue.

Egmont - Beethoven
This work by Beethoven is about "heroic exaltation of the sacrifice of a man condemned to death by having taken a strong stand against oppression" says wikipedia...hmm...Everyone has their "power song" or classical favorite. Since the wife is a huge classical fan its rubbing off on me too. I can just stand and listen to this looking out over a landscape feeling like a King.

Vultans Theme & Battle Theme(Flash Gordon Soundtrack) - Queen
Ok technically this is 2 songs but they're inseparable. The first film I ever saw in a cinema was Flash Gordon and as a 4 year old and boy was I in for a treat; not only was it "awesome" as a first film experience, the music by Queen just rocked everyone out watching it. Rediscovering it as an adult, both film and soundtrack can send me into hyperactivity mode. I don't understand why "Rocky Horror Picture Show" became a cult hit and this didn't is a mystery...I know I would dress up as Ming the Merciless and go to a cinema to watch it with other costumed weirdos. Its Space Opera Rock Sci-Fi with Flash and Freddie Mercury at the helm and it goes all the way up to 11. (oh and its got Brian Blessed in it too, which is never a bad thing!)

Pacific State - 808 State
Along with Blue Monday, this is one of "the one"'s that really drew me into house music and still influences me to make house music.The clarinet is pure genius and would sound lovely on a desert island too.

Shrimp - Mr Scruff
This is my "morning" song, set it on my ipod dock to wake me up to in the morn. Lovely Funky, Jazzy, crunchy, organy, breaks n beats. Just picture me going from nude to showered to clothed to this and it will entirely ruin the song for you. The musical equivalent of breakfast.

Ode To Billie Joe - Bobbie Gentry
A Haunting Mississippi-Delta blues song that my mum & dad used to play all the time on car journeys; which in turn influenced a film. Both film and song are really good; though the song itself isn't the story of the film... there's still the guessing game of who Billy Joe was and why he committed suicide.A narrative in song to ponder on.

React 2 Rhythm - Intoxication
When I hit 18 and was allowed to be "free" and do whatever I wanted to do, it involved a lot of going to clubs and raves.It was 1992 and and 2nd summer of love; excellent time and an excellent song. This song brings back so many hazy images from my rave days.Food for Nostalgia, happy happy days.

Godaigo - Monkey Magic OR Bastard Swordsman - Depth Charge
This is a difficult choice as they are my "kung fu" songs. Listen to them and I can be found throwing martial arts poses round the house. Tho I think Monkey Magic would have to be the best.When I was around 6 years old, every Friday was "sweetie night" and the family would settle down to watch this Japanese drama which can almost be blamed for my long running fascination with Japan and why I moved here. Masaaki Sakai (Monkey) is still a regular on Japanese TV here; he does cookery shows and is quite the old man now, I still expect him to pull hairs from his chest and summon his pink cloud.

Love Has Got Me high - Seven Grand Housing Authority OR All About Love - Kerri Chandler
This is a tricky choice and I don't know if I could separate the two.Both are real soulful deep house tracks about love that make me tingle when listening to...hard decision time but it might be "love has got me high"..or no..maybe...Argh ! CAN'T DECIDE !

Sunlight - Herbie Hancock
I love Herbie Hancock and the album that this comes from was mocked as Herbie Hancock's worst; as Jazz funk disco with vocoders on every vocal on the album, though I think this track is great, especially for sunny days.

Standing On The Verge Of Getting on - Funkadelic
I love Funkadelic, Parliment and all George Clinton related works, its humorous, funky, disco, rock, psychedelic, prog, jazzy,etc Its such a mish mash..if there was one song to choose out of the HUGE discography it would have to be this.

Snake Eater / Theme from Metal Gear Solid - Harry Gregson Williams
Ok technically this is two songs again but inseparably linked. Its a video game theme song which makes me a huge geek, but I love these tracks especially snake eater as its pure "Bond", even though its Metal Gear Solid...great game, great soundtrack. Often listened to in the supermarket while pretending to shoplift or on train transfers thinking I'm on a "infiltration mission" =)

The Passenger - Iggy Pop
Crazy man, crazy rock, brilliant songs and he's still on the go aged 62 ! If it had to be one it would be this one.

Rotation - Dave Angel OR 202 Ocean Spray - Tim Harper
Again a tough choice; my favorite Techno Jazz songs. A style I try to emulate when making music myself. I think it would maybe have to be Rotation...but 202 ocean spray is so catchy too, mebbe a mix of the two ?

Low & Sweet - Greens Keepers
Great sampling of Django Reinhard jazz guitar licks make this song so cute,chic and irresistible.Always puts a smile on my face.

Good Times - Chic
When listening to house music in the late 90s started getting bored with the harder stuff that was coming out, so dug further into the past and started really appreciating disco music.If I had to choose from many many disco songs I love, this would have to be it.Plus provided the musical backbone for "Adventures of Grandmaster Flash". Will never forget the summer me, my brother and friends would listen to that on a small boombox almost continually.

Manparrish - Six Simple Synthesizers
Who the hell is Man Parrish you ask !? He is THEE undiscovered genius-god of electro, this song just keeps on going and going, so clever its describing how the song is being played in such a childhood nursery rhyme like way...plus its "body rokkin" !

Soft Cell - Tainted Love
Any child of the 80's will know this song. I remember first hearing it when I was really young on Top of the Pops before watching "Day of the Triffids" which followed Top of the Pops, I somehow have the song and the show inextricably linked (!?). A cover of a northern soul classic in proto-techno mode, the original singer even says herself the cover is better than her version !

Viens Mallika Sous Le Dome - Delibes
Another classical song. Everyone knows this, I find it extremely calming, sensuous and soothing. Was used to great effect in a scorching Lesbian scene in the vampire art house film The Hunger and one of the greatest cinema dialogues in the history of film; "Your ancestors are descended from niggers..." in True Romance with Dennis Hopper & Christopher Walken.

Mission Venice - Nightmares on Wax
This is from "trip hop" masters Nightmares on Wax who have a number of my favorite ditties, but this one reminds me of scooters and zipping round Europe in the 1960's being a beatnik (in my previous life....)

Fools Gold - Stone Roses OR Bob's Yer Uncle - Happy Mondays
Early 90's and you had to love the Madchester scene, it opened up hedonism and Rave culture to the UK and it it was really great times.Both these songs remind me of that time, if pushed I woudl maybe say Fools Gold...but Bobs yer uncle is about shagging so....

World Hold On -Bob Sinclar OR Always - Bent
These both are my uplifting favorites,The Bent track really reminds me of The Beloved and early house... its tricky to choose but I will go for the commercial option of Bob Sinclar. Turns rainy days into sunshine.

I Love Acid - Luke Vibert
Just like the title and Mr Luke Vibert himself...I DO love acid and love till the day I die !

Nearlies....

cos of the limit..those that didn't make it, tho there are many others...

Higher Ground - Stevie Wonder
Everyone loves Stevie, but Funkadelic pipped him this time.

Gill Scott Heron - The Revolution will not be Televised
Another great one but when I listen to it I tend to listen to 10 times in a row then want to go burn something down....=(

Pass the Dutchie - Musical Youth
One hit wonder from Blue Peter...grates after a while tho.

Little Computer People - Anthony Rother
Great song, but don't think would suit the island life.

Xpander - Sasha
Great song, def number 26. ahhh Wipeout....

Day for Night - Moloko
My "sexy song" but..if I'm on an island on my own....

Young Hearts Run free - Kym Mazelle
Great disco classic, great singer, beaten only just by Chic.

Rustic Ramen

2009-05-05T03:55:40Z

After a wee stroll this weekend came across a very rustic looking lovely old ramen shop specialising in charsui udon.

Was very "oldie worldie" almost like it was trapped in the showai period (1926-1989)

I don't usually eat ramen but I did settle on a bowl of udon as I'm not a big ramen fan for a three reasons :

Although tasty, the fat rich soup gives me the trots, leaving me stuck on the toilet for about half an hour.

You can wrap it up in as much eastern mystique as you like but ramen is DIRTY. Its the equivalent of a battered fish served with greasy chips and a pickled egg and mushy peas.If Asians spoke in Glasgow accents they would say "moanan lets get doon tae the ramen shoap and get us a big durtae bowl ah ramen eh!"

Lastly, if your a caucasian who likes ramen you become one of those endless wittering bores who whenever eating a bowl of ramen in any location other than Asia you have to note in a loud voice how "This ramen is good but nowhere near as awesome as the ones I had in Osaka/Tokyo/Shangai/etc", these people always seem to think the act of eating ramen is an aesthetic akin to a martial art and that the food is somehow transferring the exotic asian quality to them.More irritatingly, most always these types tend to pronounce the word "ramen" as "wwrrraaaaamen" in a nasally smug voice.

So Ramen, no thanks...Udon on the other hand....

Two Graves

2009-04-13T02:40:41Z

The wise and mighty philosopher Confucius once said of revenge :

"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves"

This presented some great fore-thinking on Confucius' part; as we all know through modern homicides separate the limbs from the torso and bury them in different locations and the police will be stumped. So to paraphrase perhaps

"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves and bring a hammer to remove any evidence of dental records"

The frustration of being misunderstood

2009-04-03T09:47:15Z

Doing IT for the 5 of the 6 years I've been in Japan; I can speak pretty well. Enough to work in an office, but my reading is slow and painful.

I'm intermediate at the moment; I can say and write some pretty complex stuff :

"that mail distribution has failed to deliver, recipients are returning mails, I will investigate !"

Though sometimes in regular conversation I forget common words like "dinosaur" or "hammer" or "shoelace" so have to resort to things like "ummm the rope you use to tie shoes" or "the big lizards from long ago" making me sound a bit odd...

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(Translated from Japanese obviously...Think of my dialogue delivered as broken English in an Indian voice like Apu from The Simpsons and of course, co workers & boss in fluent English)

Boss - So what's your progress for this week ?

Me - Well I have been doing the looking at problem with RSS feed on the blog engine, discovered it problem. The core module stop working, very bad, and I made revision and it seem to be going ok sir, but it need be more "dinosaur".

Boss - Dinosaur ?!? EH !? what the fuck ?

Co worker - He means "Dynamic", not "dinosaur" laughs

(Lots of Japanese words have VERY similar sounding counterparts and a slight inflection on tone can change the meaning completely)

Me - Oh sorry, I said dinosaur. Dynamic, yes DYNAMIC, more dynamic...

Co worker - When I looked at the update you did, it might have conflicts with the Publishing module, so could you check it out and have a look at the < a word that sounds like "horse semen">

Me - Ok, I knew about the publishing module and will do that and I will look at the "horse semen"

Boss - yeah while you're looking at the "horse semen" have a look at the Image uploader as well, it's getting really regarding the "horse semen" do you know where to check that out from the version control database ?

Me - umm ..ehhh... hold on moment, I just need check something...

Me - ah yes the "remote islands delivery charge" system !
I will have the looking at it right soon away !

Co worker - Be careful, I think it's got quite a few problems in it.

Boss - Ok, this concludes this week's meeting

3 weeks later....

Sales Support - Hey you did some changes on the horse semen last week yeah ?

Me - <what does that word mean again, I'm looking blank, thinking...use a similar word...> ahhh yeah the islands charge thing?

Sales Support - Yeah, a customer has got in touch and said they were overcharged for postal delivery on their item, even though it's a remote island it's still considered part of kanazawa prefecture.

Me - Shit, that's not good, I didn't know that....

Boss - Oh for fucks sake ! I thought I told you to be careful when looking at that ! Look into it ! and SEND THE CLIENT AN APOLOGY MAIL !

4 hours later....

I discover the original problem, was the fault of the co worker who had told me it had "problems", although my mistake didn't help matters either. I have to write a long explanatory letter in politest Japanese to apologise to the customer, the weeks that follow are rigorous scrutiny of everything I do on the "horse semen" program, and for me to try bring up that the co worker may have been at fault also...forget about it, you would be better explaining physics to a monkey....

Now this sounds a bit, "Bloody Japanese ! Intolerant buggers !" Why work with them !?

But this is the minority; there are assholes everywhere. It's global.

Everyone's worked with foreigners before. When a problem does arise, who are you going to blame ?

"Joe" your co worker of several years that you knew since you were a kid, and doing so would cause friction between you ? Or "Dimitri" the fresh of the boat Albzistrzka who's communication skills are ok but a bit ropey....

Japanese are used to only Japanese speaking Japanese.

When a non Japanese speaks they have 2 stereotypes which are frequently compounded on TV whenever foreigners are presented on TV.

The fluent as hell foreigner or well spoken, doing his best.(Thane Camus, Bobby Ologun,etc, the latter contrary to popular belief is fluent in real life but "plays up" the "foreigners have trouble with the language" card to an almost offensive "gollywog" level.
The doesn't speak a word of Japanese or can perhaps spout out a word or two foreigner.(Leah Dizon)

I'm in the middle. A difficult place to be.

I don't think its intended nor a generalized trait of "The Japanese" as a whole. Japanese people are simply not used to hearing / seeing a foreigner speak Japanese. So therefore they have the standard.

He/ She speaks the language.

He/ She doesn't speak the language.

There seems to be no grey area.

Whereas in America, Europe, China, UK the general populous are used to hearing not only English spoken in a broken way,but other languages.

More often than not, we accommodate it and politely accept it.

Pointing out a mistake in someones dialogue mid speaking would be deemed offensive, perhaps best kept for a quiet time to help the speaker genuinely learn from their mistake.

Though here it seems commonplace when even a slight mistake is made, screwed up faces of "EH !?!?" or giggling, snickering is common place. Shaking of heads and general "You daft gaijin".

Perhaps, this type of behavior is strictly limited to the IT sector in Japan which I work in and the more "ubergeek" types that IT attracts.Lets face it geeks world over can be obnoxious and desperate to point out anothers failings or lack of knowledge, staying with the Simpsons; the Comic Book Guy type of person.

An even more bizarre slant is sometimes the Japanese don't even understand each other never mind a non native.

I've been in meetings where the word 方針 (houshin) meaning "policy" has been mistaken for 放心 (houshin) meaning "absentmindedness". With little redress or sniggering aimed at the mistaken Japanese party...

"Ahhh you mean houshin, not houshin !" is the de rigeur reply.

There are many words like this in Japanese and perhaps I need to be more thick skinned when it comes to being redressed for mistakes in language, after all I am not 100% fluent and still learning.

My only regret is the redress seems only one way "Japanese to foreign", I guess things will remain this way for the far future until more foreigners are prevalent in Japan, but in the meantime I will remember 2 Japanese proverbs and hope that the Japanese can keep them in mind too

"Failure is the root of success"...and..."Even monkeys fall from trees".

Capcom VS SNK

2009-03-22T12:01:07Z

Recently with bringing my old Dreamcast out of the closet (not that it was it was gay or anything) I've taken a real thirst for old 2D beat em ups like Street Fighter.

When I was a frequent user of the Dreamcast I hardly touched these types of games as I thought at the time:

"Ugh ! My God,they're in 2D!"

This was more my mistake than anything and a common mistake that we all make is "new is good".

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I had noticed in Japan that even very old 2D fighting games seemed to be very prevalent in arcade halls.

In Akihabara if a new surround sound super sized TV gaming system was released it would be showing footage of a 2D fighter. I always thought this was somewhat of a paradox and Japan is master of paradoxical thinking.

Though with dusting off the Dreamcast and making a flippant purchase of 400yen for "Capcom VS SNK" I think I discovered the appeal.

New games now have many combos, fighting techniques etc but they are all preformed too easily. You can splice someone in two while riddling their body with bullets with a few easy to remember and simply executed button presses. In 2D fighters remembering the moves was like remembering how to do real martial arts moves; "down, right in circular motion while holding X then quickly release and left and Y" will yeild a satisfying "omaewobokorosu-super-dragon-flaming-fist" but getting it right takes much, much practice. This is very similar to real martial arts and the 道 arts that make up Japan's culture. (The kanji character is "Do-" as in Judo,Kyudo,Shodo amongst many other arts)

These "Do-"s are prevalent in Japanese society from birth to grave, heavily instituted and throughout the education system. Massive amounts of information, Repeated motions, a set way and method that is tried and tested and not deviated from.Not by any means am I suggesting 2D fighters are a "Do-", but there is a certain something in playing these games that's tickling parts of my brain used in Japanifying myself such as learning to read & write, company policy and manners, etc.

Perhaps next meeting I'm in I should try a new combination HADOSHIN and see how it goes down.